The Dying Wish: Something had been plaguing me. My mind was torturous. Things cloudier every minute, my thoughts tainted, my judgement impaired. Even if I try to speak, the words make no sense. They come out all jumbled and improper. It is just so very frustrating. But on the other hand, this always gave me a peculiar sense of clarity in penning things down and this happens to be a byproduct of one of my intense musings and somewhere deep within me, this bad and evil fire gets suppressed every time I pen things down of this sort, you know .. the depressing thoughts.
You could tell that this piece of writing is just another figment of my tortured imagination, as I try my way to beat my insecurity out of my impaired noetic.
So here goes nothing…
This is a side story that I concocted on my own, set during the events of the Amazing Spiderman 2, right after the Death of Gwen Stacy.
For people who do not know what has happened, I have framed a tiny gist – During Spidey’s final show off with Harry, Gwen gets caught in between their fight (which happens on top of a clock tower) where the scuffle inadvertently causes Gwen to fall off. And in a desperate attempt to catch her, he shoots his web towards her and even catches her but little does he realize that she hits the ground – Spring back effect. She hits the ground before bouncing back up.
The ordeal had been difficult for the Stacy family.
Mrs Stacy clad in her mourning clothes made her way into her only daughter – Gwen’s room.
The two deaths had left her completely shattered.
First her husband and now her daughter.
She didn’t know what to do.
Grief tore her heart open.
Her heart was so sensitive, like a live wire.
This was not what she had been expecting.
She made her way into Gwen’s room.
It was just like the way she left it the previous night.
Completely made without a single speck of dust to pollute this pristine, clean and organised room.
Tears welled in her eyes.
This “was” her daughter’s room.
God knows what she would do. With all her stuff. The void seemed to be forever hollowed out. Like someone ripped out a part away from her.
She slowly made her way to her bed, her legs were overweighed.
She could hardly move them. The soft plushy mattress conformed under her weight and sorrows that she harboured for her now late daughter.
Her first born.
The child that she imparted most of her love.
The perfect child of her dreams.
The child who bore ample dreams. Dreams that tore through even the darkest nights.
And to her delight, she had even begun to work her way, being one of the brightest students in her class.
She was quite the budding scientist that even Oscorp took her in under their internship program, the youngest one ever to do so.
Words were completely futile to describe how proud she was of her daughter.
She was one of a kind.
She had a decent boyfriend who was interested in just the same things as her.
Peter Parker was decent, good-natured and supported her in every step of her way.
Just like she wanted him to be.
He was perfect for her too.
This sudden feeling of heart-wrenching and sadness overwhelmed her so bad that she couldn’t stop the river of tears that were up to the brim of her eyelids.
Untamed, unnerved, filled with emotion.
Every sentiment left her as her tears fell on the wooden floor.
She looked down when she saw a sheet of paper, stuck between the pages of her old books.
Between her tears, she looked at it. One look at the blurry blue curves of letters, she knew that they weren’t Gwen’s.
What was that doing there? What was it? And most importantly whose was it?
Was it so important for Gwen to keep it between her notebooks?
She bent down to take a look at it once again, trying her best to analyse it, especially as it was addressed to her daughter.
It was old. But not that old.
The handwriting was rough and frail.
She could guess it right.
It was Peter’s.
A note from Peter.
Maybe before she left for her university abroad.
They might have gone through a bad phase. Just like any other relationship for her to leave New York all so suddenly.
A slight nip.
A common relationship issue.
A small laugh escaped her lips as she looked at it.
Her girl had grown.
Her only regret was that she could not spend more time with her daughter discuss about her life, She was always just so busy. But Mrs Stacy knew that Peter was kind and considerate, a boy filled up to the brim with manners and best of all, she had seen how the two always looked at each other.
She missed all of that, the first time when she first fell for George. The kind, loving and caring guy that he was, she could always see a reflection of him in Peter’s.
She was happy for that.
She knew that the note was personal to her.
But now it really didn’t matter anymore.
She wiped the remaining tears that were stinging her eyes and pushed a lock of her finely woven gold hair and pushed it behind her left ear as she perused through the writing.
It read –
Of all my days and of all my life, I have never ever thought this day to have finally arrived. I know that you are going away for good. Leaving this city for good.
I agree that you can’t wait around for me anymore and I really appreciate that you have asked me to join you there.
Believe me, I really thought of moving with you, but I have to take care of my ailing aunt and the people, I just can’t leave the people here hanging in there with themselves. They need someone to look after them. They really need someone to rely on.
They need Spider-man.
Not the bumbling idiot or the awkward high school Peter Parker.
And believe me Gwen, with all these powers, they feel like the earth weighed on me.
It’s like seeing everything so well, the endless possibilities but only to find people crying out “Spider man Spider man, come to us. Save us..”
The cheer of people, their wants, their needs … how could I ever ignore them?
It’s not that I am trying to push you away or something but at the same time leaving them seems just so wrong.
But let me tell you something, you might know this but still if I really have to tell this to you a thousand times, I would gladly do it.
I love you Gwen Stacy.
You are the only one that is keeping me sane, that feels like eons now, for the madness that is going on around me.
Both to me and my other self.
I know sometimes the need for the other guy outweighs my very existence but believe me, a part of your safety constantly hovers around my head.
Nothing would ever replace you. You are everything to me.
I know that I might not have been able to spend enough time with you but you should know that I would never ever jeopardise this relationship that we have. Or whatever we have got left of it.
I would never make the same mistake of letting you go. And for that I would always be there for you whether you like it or not.
I have always seen you as a strong independent girl, Gwen and because of that I feel that your going away will be particularly good and you will handle yourself because I know one thing for sure, the world would come to you and seek you, the embers that flow inside you will blow everyone away and I am there to make your that you get blown away.
And most importantly, you have the power to tear my heart apart, you have the untapped and untamed courage of a lion, the fierce strength of your loyalty, towards the good still astounds me.
You help me conquer almost any pain, the pain that would seem seemingly impossible to understand, pain that keeps going inside my head, pain that feels like plunging yourself in the raging heat of a volcano, pain that would force you to take the leap of faith not knowing what outcome it might have, pain that would crumble a human’s will to live.
Pain, just an everlasting pain.
And for that I won’t stop you, your future is great and you will accomplish them.
You will be the beautiful genius of New York.
And I will always stand by you, it doesn’t matter how far I would have to go, but I will be there for you, always and forever.
And when the is time right, I really don’t care who you might end up with but you would always have a home in my heart
It will always be you, it is always you, it had always been you and I would wait here to get back to you.
I will come to you after settle everything back here. With Maxwell Dillon and Harry gone rogue, I would come and get you. You would never realise how strong and impregnable you make me.
It almost feels like I can actually take on the world. Such is your impact over me.
You are my superhero. My Messiah. My personal harbinger of light, pushing all of my dark and black thoughts away. Your are my saviour.
Till then, I don’t know what they are called, the spaces between seconds — but I think of you always in those intervals.
For ever yours,
Mrs Stacy looked at the letter again, like she was hit hard on her head.
Peter liked her daughter a ton. That was obvious. She smiled at the young extreme lovelorn letter.
But apart from that, something else was really bothering her.
Maxwell Dillon, Harry… Was the Osbourne kid? and most importantly, Spiderman?
“After I settle everything back here.“
What did he mean by that?
It almost read like Peter himself was Spiderman.
It really didn’t, make any sense.
She looked at the letter closely once again.
She had to re-read all of that.
She looked at the letter closely when she found a faint familiar cursive outline come up from behind the letter, like embossed lines but fainter but more defined and beautiful.
She turned it around.
It looked like Gwen’s reply.
Seeing her handwriting again, made her gasp. It felt like her chest was about to explode from pain. It brought fresh tears to her blurry eyes when she saw them.
With Mrs Stacy’s head still reeling at the thought of the astounding discovery that she stumbled upon, she turned over the frail crisp page.
And true, she found her daughter’s writing masking the equally disarranged writing of Peter’s.
It seemed to her like she would do fair injustice to the piece of paper if she didn’t preserve it.
And now more careful than ever, she placed the piece of paper in between her fingers, carefully and meticulous in every step and the very sight of her daughter’s words, which should have seemed so common to her, brought tears to her eyes.
With great difficulty, she controlled her intensive want to bawl all over that letter.
It was like reading a horror script, like watching a favourite movie on a television with moving and blurry lines.
It was nothing more than torture to her. With every passing second, the more she saw her fragile handwriting, she began to cry with the force of a person vomiting on all fours. Such was the intensity of her overwhelmed emotions.
Helen Stacy blinked in an attempt to control the flow of her tears that seemed so untamed, wild and recurring. Still, she wanted it to come out of her, whereas a part of her wanted to revel within them.
The sadness within her unquenched, although her mind wanted her to be free of this melancholic sorrow, still she wanted to feel this.
To know the true meaning of despair, leaving reason far behind, beyond the limit of the vestibules of the human mind. That was the way she thought.
But still her unslakeable want to read Gwen’s letter made her force out the stinging saline teardrops that hung at the brim of her eyes trying to clear them out, without using her fingers, as her fingers felt the giant weight of her daughter’s last words on the paper.
She closed her eyes for a moment, pressed her eyelids as she flushed the accumulated water in between her eyelids and cornea, giving her a perfect view of the impressive cursive writing that followed.
It read –
I really don’t know what exactly to tell you but you might find it hard to believe me but I might say, even though I hate it, I must accept that you really have a way with words.
I know that it might seem to you that I have been trying to push you away, you being busy, running off here and there but to tell you the truth; it has truly been hell for me.
What can I say?
I am really too selfish.
I hate to share you with the outside world, and that is the blatant truth.
But still the ring of fire that burns around you and I, I believe that it still keeps our love hotter than a pepper sprout!
Might I tell you now, every single second I spent, it’s usually thinking of you. And the more I think of you, the more I miss you.
Now that I write to you, this letter, trying to come up something, the more erratic I feel.
I feel as if we haven’t seen each other for ages!
Well truth be told, I really miss you. And now that I think of it, I do realise the way you see yourself.
The world hangs on your shoulders, I know that … but I miss you by my side more and more until all that want and this craving has finally began to hurt me.
I truly appreciate the way you can feel about my being with you.
I write this letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night.
And even if I told this to you a thousand times, I have never ever felt so incomplete without you. You are like my fail safe, someone I can slump my shoulders when I need someone to rely on.
You are one of the best persons I have ever some across and more so because I got this awesome chance to date you.
Peter Parker, I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way.
I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is basically just a squeal of pain.
It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things.
Damn you, Parker; I won’t make you love me any more by giving myself away like this — But oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that.
You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love.
I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don’t really resent it.
Well, a part of my mind truly thanks you for that.
That was what drew first to you … your uncanny sense of what is good and what is bad.
When you tell me, I am your world, you melt my heart.
When you tell me, you can’t live without me, you melt my soul.
I wanted to tell you what you mean to me, but I didn’t have any words for it. I love you more than I can say.
I think I could spend a thousand years trying to write down how much you mean to me, and I still wouldn’t get close.
I’d still be so far away from everything that you are. I still remember a time when we were sitting next to each other and I was afraid to look into your eyes for too long, because I’d forget what I was saying and get distracted by how cute and sweet you are. I would lose myself.
God knows what would have happened if you had actually shown at my door step.
Now that I write to you, I remember the first time I met you.
I must say, you were one hell of a geek, well the biggest geek I had ever seen, hiding behind everybody in class, trying desperately not to draw any attention.
You seemed to be having the same difficulties in life that I was having then.
But I am glad that you took the chance and spoke to me.
I couldn’t understand why you were so special to me. But the time we spent together was so enchanting that each moment without you felt like a small forever.
It was so hard to focus on my work, to keep myself from dropping it all and rushing to you, seeing all your nimble flexible fingers at work.
Oh no!! I sound creepy but I want to tell you everything.
Everything that I have ever felt.
Sometimes when I couldn’t bear your absence, I would call you up, half-afraid that you would be angry with me for disturbing you.
And there was something else about you: even though you weren’t one of those naturally sociable people, you told me everything about yourself: your home, your family, your feelings, your work and most importantly the other guy.
I was happy to be your emotional support, and you seemed to occupy a unique and special place in my heart.
When I told you of my griefs and sorrows and cried into your chest, it seemed I could finally be safe and secure by being close to you.
And somewhere along the way, I myself opened up without even realizing it, and soon when anything made me happy or sad, I couldn’t wait to share it with you. We slowly developed a deep love, and eventually we both knew it. It was so enchanting, and it completely pulled us in.
I can feel you close to me even though you’re far away. Please believe me when I say I love you.
And for that I would wait for you, bug boy.
I would wait out the eternity for you. I would come back for you and you don’t have to worry because, I think you stole my heart once again and that only through this damn letter.
If kisses were water, I would give you the sea.
I love you…