“If we share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame cannot survive.”
I am not the person that I wanted to be today.
I saw myself as the victim of my own circumstances. I always try to masquerade my insecurity in a blanket of perfectionism but usually, it was a catastrophic failure. My flawless public facade masked my private despair which I don’t regret about it, since I am very concerned about my own image. Whenever I was successful in putting forth the image I wanted the world to see, the happiness usually lasted for a brief amount of time. On the outside, people saw as a hardworking, passionate teenager, but had very little knowledge of the storm of pain and fear inside.
I have spent a considerable amount of time figuring out on finding compassion for myself and the people whom I blamed for my pain. I withheld the concept of self-love so that I could find eternal peace. Recently, it was brought to my perception that there are some people who have a negative perception of me and some offensive words were used to describe my attributes.
When this was shared with me, I was automatically put into shame and rejection. Despite, embracing the concept of self-love, I felt bad about myself. Aside from the fact that it doesn’t feel good to hear that someone doesn’t like you. I have spent a long time healing these wounds but unfortunately, they left a permanent mark and sometimes I get reminded of those incidents which brought me pain. So, when memories arise of behaviours and situations we are not proud of, they can easily turn to shame.
Seeing this stimulus in myself, I felt I needed to address something within me, something that I needed to guide. So, instead of lying I went forth to say the truth. When I was honest, without the judgement of shame, we are later left with remorse.
I feel remorse is a useful tool in helping us mould ourselves. It could help us refine our actions and live a better and an authentic life. Recently, my exam results were out. By seeing my own grades I could find out which would be the right path for me even though I felt broken at first. It helped me guide the right way, to the right path which I should have realized two years back. Thankfully, It’s not too late for me. I feel I am more aware of my own self and previously what was unconscious is coming to consciousness now. This is a really big progress for me.
Last year, I took up an important strategy that I could figure it out myself which helped me overcome shame. Whenever I had weekly tests in my high school I knew my performance would be below average. Whenever I received my test copies, I felt ashamed of myself. I used to feel like giving up on everything. Remorse and shame totally sunk me to isolation and fear of taking further important decisions. Later, I realized that I was just pushing out myself from the reality and hiding in my own “comfort zone”. So, I decided to let go of it and prepare well for the next assessment. Yes, the results were wonders. Sometimes, it’s important for us to feel the guilt and shame. It really helps us reform ourselves.
So, If we can practice some of the strategies and techniques, learn to forgive, start anew and learning the art of letting go, I am sure we will be able to make peace with the feelings of remorse and shame. This would help us see the world in a more better and a positive way. Just have the self-confidence, don’t look back and move forward.